How to Support the New Mom in Your Life
What could be more exciting than the arrival of a newborn baby? Whether it’s your friend, family member, or coworker who is expecting, we often focus on the joy a new life brings and sometimes forget about the massive changes happening to the mom. While there are exceptions, we, as a society, generally do not do enough to support new mothers through this major transition.
Here are some ways in which you can lend a hand when it's needed most.
Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you.
Nutrition
Whether breast- or bottle-feeding, new mothers are focusing on the care of their babies and will often put their own nutritional needs on the back burner. Nutrient-rich, whole foods are essential while a new mother heals from the process of childbirth, and adequate hydration is crucial.
One way to provide support is to bring a new mom prepared meals (bonus if they can be frozen and then warmed up later). Warming, comforting foods like soups, broths, casseroles, and chilis are extra nourishing for postpartum. Don’t ring the doorbell; the last thing she needs is to host uninvited guests. A simple text to let her know you’re leaving food by the door will do.
You can also offer to go grocery shopping, or, if you know the family well, don’t wait for a grocery list. Make a trip and buy items you know they’ll enjoy and are easy to prepare. Start with high quality proteins, nourishing fats, fresh fruits, and nutrient-rich starches.
A “meal train” works, as well- organize a series of meals that you and others volunteer to prepare and drop off. Gift cards for local delivery would be appreciated, too. These are great options if you don’t live nearby!
Physical
Rest is so important for new moms, and it’s what’s most lacking once they return home with a new baby. Offer to come over so that mom can shower or take a nap. While you’re there, clean something- anything!- even if it’s washing dishes in the sink or wiping down counters.
Remind her that it’s important she heals and takes care of herself.
Rather than bringing another baby outfit (which are so cute, I agree but often not necessary), consider gifting her some items that could support her healing (like MilkMoon Herbs Postpartum Restorative Tonic) or help her feel more cozy and relaxed, such some high-quality skincare products, comfy PJs or a robe, or a soft blanket or fuzzy socks!
Beyond the initial healing weeks, she may be ready for some more self care or want to move her body, and you can help her make those things happen! You can take the baby for a walk while she does a strength-training workout or yoga uninterrupted. (Just please avoid discussions of “getting her pre-pregnancy body back”!) Offer to take her for a pedicure or a massage, or to watch the baby during her treatment.
Logistical
Everyday tasks can seem insurmountable when parents bring a new baby home. Errands that already existed are now compounded by an endless list of items they might not have even known they needed. (No one is ever prepared for how many diapers and wipes a baby can go through in a day.)
You can help by offering to do anything from taking a new mom’s car for an oil change to hiring a cleaning service on a weekly or even monthly basis. Drop off some diapers. Take pets for a walk. Come to play with any older children.
When it comes to help, every little bit helps.
Depending on your relationship with the family, you could do their laundry for a while. You could offer to run errands for or with mom! She may want to get out of the house but would be more at ease with an extra pair of hands.
If you’re a coworker, support her in navigating her return to work. Guide her to her designated pumping area and reminder her of her rights for breaks (as required by federal law). Perhaps she needs help with maternity leave paperwork or just someone she can show pictures of her newborn baby that she misses so much!
Social
New moms often feel isolated and lonely and it can be hard for them to admit or even recognize. They may be nervous about bringing their baby into child-unfriendly spaces and unsure of where to turn. They can even feel awkward talking about postpartum challenges and new mom worries with friends who don’t have kids.
You can help her build a support system by finding and suggesting new mom groups, a doula, sleep consultants, or a nutritionist. If you know of any, suggest a good podcast or two. Look for resources that remind a new mom that she’s not alone in her fears, concerns, and experiences.
Most importantly, just be available and child-friendly. Ask about the baby but be sure to ask about her, too. Be understanding should she need to cancel or reschedule, and don’t overstay your welcome. If the new mom in your life has a partner, offer to watch the baby for “date night” when they’re ready to get out of the house together. Sometimes a trusted adult can ease the transition to hiring a new babysitter.
If you’re not local, pick up the phone to just text or even call or FaceTIme- just give her some grace if she doesn’t respond right away.
Emotional
Understand that this person’s priorities have shifted. Listen, and be available for whatever may come up. There are many informative and supportive books about postpartum life.
Don’t focus on negativity about parenting; of course new moms need to know they’re not alone in their struggles, but comments like, “don’t count on getting a good night’s sleep anytime soon!” and “you just wait until…” are not helpful.
Remind new moms that it’s normal to feel all the feelings while also keeping an eye out for signs that they might need more (professional) support. Absolutes do not help; there is no one “right” way to do anything. Respect her decisions as a parent, and remind her to listen to her gut. Be there to give advice when requested, but allow for her belief systems. Does she follow a strict nap schedule? Are they a co-sleeping or bed-sharing family? Has she weaned the baby from breast milk to formula? Is she planning to breastfeed for a few years?
Whatever her parenting style, be her biggest cheerleader. Respect her decisions when it comes to caring for her baby (and herself) like returning to work or not, breast vs. bottle feeding, and the type of daycare she does or does not choose.
There are many struggles new moms experience, and some are impossible to prepare for ahead of time. Fortunately, there are several ways in which we can be supportive with true respect, care, and love. Start simple: ask her what she needs! If she doesn’t provide direction, take a wild guess!
Looking for an amazing gift a new mom?
Send her a copy of The Root & Branch Guide to a Nourished Fourth Trimester so she has information and tools to best nourish herself (and give specific guidance for those in her life providing support)!